


In the Dust

by AlwaysMyChoices



Category: The Royal Romance (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Gen, Loss, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23195416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysMyChoices/pseuds/AlwaysMyChoices
Summary: Following the revelation of Justin’s deception and his escape in the Nevrakis vault, Collins and Liam must deal with the aftermath…
Relationships: Liam & Main Character (The Royal Romance), Liam (The Royal Romance)/Original Character(s)
Kudos: 1





	In the Dust

Silence permeated the air of Lythikos, chilling us to the bone in a way the climate never could. Dust settled over the estate like a fresh layer of snow, and like the first snowfall, it signified a new dawn for the duchy. The fortress stood strong like the formidable ice surrounding it, but cracks flawed the air of strength. Dust represented a day of deceit and a night of revelations, becoming a victory and a failure.

We found him, but he got away.

The phrase rang in my ears like the chiming of a funeral procession. Danger lurked in every syllable as it played on repeat. I still looked over my shoulder, waiting for Anton to appear. I looked for signs of betrayal in every passing face, but I lacked trust in my own judgments. I’d been naïve enough to trust him once. I allowed him to be the voice in my ear, directing every move and leading me to victory. I never suspected he’d also lead me to my misery. The signs were there, but I was blinded by my optimism and innocence. How stupid I was… 

We won, but we lost.

That was the truth. We accomplished everything we set out to do. We discovered the plot and revealed the perpetrator to the public, reassuring them of the monarchy’s ability to avenge and protect. I thought I would feel victorious, but I didn’t.

I felt cold.

I felt tricked.

I felt stupid and vulnerable.

Justin failed in taking the crown from Liam, but he took something much more valuable – trust and security. In the end, there were no winners. Justin was discovered and could only evade justice for so long, but Liam and I were hardly the victors. Liam lost more than his father or Cordonian stability. He lost the promise of his youthful reign and confidence in his leadership. 

And I… I didn’t know anymore.

I thought about the articles printed about me during the social season. Magazines celebrated their “Everywoman.” I was a picture of resilience and poise. I was full of American spunk but dedicated to Cordonian delicacy. I was the perfect bride, and they thought that my days of worries were over. I was going to marry Liam and ride off into the sunset.

Back then, I was stupid enough to believe them. I thought that mastering the press and developing courtly allies would be the biggest problems I’d face. Now, I cursed my naivety.

A year ago, I was just a girl. I was a student finding herself in the big city, and the world was bright. Now, fear welcomed me like an old friend. I lost my picturesque engagement to a plan devised by my would-be Father-in-Law, resorting to becoming a mistress and campaigning for the love of my life. And finally, when things were looking up, that stupid ball happened…

When I closed my eyes, I could hear the gunshots. I could feel the panic burning at my skin. I could feel Drake’s body crash into mine, his weight crushing me as he sacrificed himself. I could see the blood ooze out of his arm as the bullet lodged itself in his body, and I could feel the crimson stain my skin and dress. I remembered the blinding concern and terror, and it was almost too much.

But I was strong. I channeled my trauma into drive and determination to catch the assailants and fight for my new country.

Then there was the Masquerade Ball. The earth rattled beneath my feet and devastated an entire country. Once more, I was strong in the face of danger. I had to be. Liam needed me. He was distraught by the sudden loss and lived with the guilt of knowing his father sacrificed himself for Liam. More than ever, his father was an enigma. The brave king Liam idolized had been tainted by revelations of his cruelty to me, and he surprised his son once more in death. It was harder and harder to separate Constantine’s deceit from Liam’s childhood memories of a fatherly hero, complicating his grief.

And now…. Tonight.

Tonight, I called on every ounce of strength I had, but I failed.

I wasn’t the “picture of resilience and poise.” I wasn’t ready to lead an army into battle while pausing for a photo shoot at an apple orchard. I was scared. I was confused. I was traumatized.

I didn’t know how to heal a country because I didn’t know how to heal myself.

Justin broke me, and I didn’t know how to piece myself back together.

So, I tried to forget.

Standing in the shower of my Lythikos guest suite, I scrubbed at my skin to erase the lingering dust. After hours of talking and interrogation about the encounter with Justin, I was freed and allowed to return to my suite. However, when I tried to open the door, I couldn’t find it in myself to turn the knob. I thought back to the secret passage and imagined Justin standing there, watching me and plotting. I was allowed to break the rules for the night and join Liam in his suite. Neither of us said anything- we didn’t know how to. Liam distracted himself by throwing himself into the investigation and further security protocols to protect me, but I couldn’t face that – not yet. 

Steam collected in the bathroom as the scalding water cascaded over my skin, but I focused on my mission. I could feel the dust on me, clinging like a parasite waiting to sink into my flesh. It taunted me, saying I would never be rid of it. Dust would always be there as part of the crumbled Nevrakis vault settled on my body. I took off all I could – clothes, underwear, hairpins, everything. But dust prevailed.

My skin reddened from the efforts to wash my body, but I ignored the stinging sensation. I didn’t care if I scrubbed off my skin. I just wanted to be free.

Panic gripped me as the pain in my arm grew stronger and the dust grew more persistent. My breathing became ragged as I considered my failure.

It won’t come off. What if it never comes off? What if I’m always like this? What if I’m never free?

I could feel the dust spreading on my body, a tingling panic rising in every cell the dust passed over. As it filled my lungs, I began to cough and leaned against the cold tile to calm myself. The longer I stood, the less it helped, and I slowly slid down to the floor as the coughing fit continued. I wanted to keep standing and reached for a shampoo bottle for leverage, but instead, the bottle knocked everything over in a loud commotion. Water crashed against my skin, and I struggled to catch my breath while fighting against the oncoming sob.

No, I can’t cry, I told myself, I’m strong. I’m resilient. I can do this.

No matter how much I ordered myself to carry on, the panic didn’t subside, and the tears didn’t leave. I was stuck in a disaster of my own making. I was so busy trying to exceed expectations that I neglected the fear that had been building since the moment I left New York to join the social season. I was in a strange land, surrounded by danger and forbidding myself from facing it.

There was banging at the bathroom door followed by the sound of the locked doorknob being tested. I recognized the voices calling my name from the other side, and I knew to pull myself together and assure them I was alright. Yet, I stayed planted on the tile floor. The sensations became a jumbled mess in my mind until everything faded into the background.

A loud crash split the aged wooden door, allowing Liam to push through to the bathroom and find me. Mara was behind him, speaking into her headset when they found me.

And then there was silence.

“I’ll secure the room,” Mara hesitated, shock in her voice. She never thought she’d find me like this. Broken and crying in a shower stall, hoping the water would wash it all away. She stepped away to secure the rest of the expansive bathroom, speaking into her headset and assuring the other line that I was safe.

I wanted to snap out of it and play it off, but I couldn’t.

The water from the shower grew weaker, the spray moving away from me and eventually ceasing. I looked up to see Liam turning the dial until the shower turned off and carrying a fluffy white towel to me. Before I knew what he was doing, Liam sat beside me in the wet shower stall, soaking his suit and steaming his golden curls. Carefully, he draped the towel over me and turned my jaw to look at him.

The world came back into focus as I looked at him. The ocean blue eyes staring back at me grounded me until my breathing slowed and returned to normal. The panic began to subside as I forced air in and out of my lungs.

“Collins, are you okay?” Liam’s arms were on either side of my shoulders, holding me tight as he watched me, and I realized he was searching my eyes for something. Maybe he wanted to prove to himself that I was really alright, or maybe he was looking for the crack in my strong façade that finally gave way.

“I panicked,” I admitted, releasing the death grip I’d held on the washcloth through the ordeal, “I’m sorry, Liam.”

“Sorry?” Liam repeated incredulously, his touch gentle as he pushed my wet hair out of my eyes, “Collins… You don’t need to apologize. You’ve been through hell, and don’t ever apologize for it.”

“I-I want to be strong,” my voice cracked as another panic bubbled in my chest, “For you. For Cordonia. For everyone counting on me. And I thought I could do it, but-“

“You are strong, Collins,” Liam’s whisper interrupted me, locking his eyes on mine as he urged me to believe him, “You are the strongest woman I’ve ever met.”

A rueful laugh escaped my lips as I eyed myself, huddled in a shower and covered in a towel, “Look at me, Liam.”

A smile perked at Liam’s lips, “I am. It takes bravery to face your fears, Collins, and it takes strength to let someone in.” Liam looked at me as if he’d never been so sure of anything in his life.

“Everyone’s counting me, and I’m letting them down,” I released a deep sigh that had been building for months.

“You sacrificed your own wellbeing for the good of an entire country. You never disappointed any of us,” Liam shook his head, his fingers tangling in my wet hair, “But we let you down. I should have never put that pressure on you…”

I opened my mouth to object, but I was interrupted by a surprise voice.

“The area is clear, your majesty. Should I escort Lady Collins to her quarters?” Mara stood at a distance, averting her eyes from the scene in the shower out of respect. I’d forgotten she was here…

“No, thank you, Mara. Lady Collins will stay with me tonight,” Liam dismissed Mara. Her purposeful footsteps faded out of earshot until I heard the main door close behind her, and a silence filled the room in her absence.

Liam stood and offered his hand to me, “Come on. Let me help.”

“Help with what?” I questioned, watching him with an inquisitive stare.

Liam let out a chuckle as he leaned down and picked me up from the tile floor, holding me bridal style and carrying me to the marble counter. Sitting me on top of a towel, he stroked my face and kissed the tip of my nose.

“Was that really necessary?” a smile found its way to my lips.

“Very,” he confirmed, placing his hands on either side of me. Even in my darkest times, he looked at me like a clear night sky, and it took my breath away. “When my father died, you were there for me. Even after everything he did to you, you stood by me. Now, it’s my turn.”

“I did that for you, Liam, not so you would owe me a favor,” I protested.

“And I’m not doing this as a favor,” Liam shook his head, hiding his chuckle as his eyes skimmed over me. I knew that look.

It was the same look he gave me the night of the Homecoming Ball and the Masquerade Ball. His gaze was more than a gaze. He was proving to himself that I was really here and safe. After all he’d lost, he needed proof that I wasn’t another casualty.

Liam’s face soured as his stare reached my arms, noting the red marks I’d made in my anxious state. Carefully, he lifted my wrist and shifted my arm to study the overly scrubbed skin. His eyes turned back to me, a million questions swirling in his ocean eyes.

“I was trying to scrub off the dust from the blast…” I murmured, “It wouldn’t come off, so I scrubbed too hard.”

Liam nodded thoughtfully before prompting me, “You’re trying to escape a lot more than dust, aren’t you?”

I nodded slowly, “If I get rid of the dust, maybe I can get rid of all of it. The mystery, the terrorism, everything…”

I didn’t realize I was crying until Liam pulled me back into his arms, holding me close as I sobbed into his chest. Safe in his embrace, I let out months of fear.

He pulled away just enough to brush his lips across mine, and I selfishly pulled him closer. I tasted the concern his kiss and felt his fear in the way he held me. Together, we’d been through hell, and now, we reveled in the panic together. We held each other closer than we ever had, and as Liam pulled away, he pressed his forehead to mine. I smiled sadly as the salt from Liam’s tears fell on my face, and I wiped it away as I stared up at him.

“I love you, Liam,” I whispered.

“I love you, too,” Liam pulled away further, lifting my wrist to press gentle kisses to my arms. There were silent apologies in every touch, and tears threatened to spill yet again.

Wordlessly, Liam reached for cream in the bathroom drawer, and he gently spread the soothing cream along my irritated skin. The relief was instant, and I offered a small smile in thanks.

“Collins… I haven’t always been there for you,” Liam avoided my eyes as shame settled over him, “You’ve always exceeded my expectations, and too often, I depended on you to tackle obstacles you never should have handled alone. Selfishly, I put you in uncomfortable situations. Someone tried to kill you, and I asked you to become a sitting duck.”

“I insisted on that! Don’t blame yourself,” I was quick to correct him, desperate to prove to him that he didn’t need to blame himself.

“Tonight. Tonight, you insisted, but I suggested the Unity Tour. I asked you to turn our wedding into a country-wide unification event. It wasn’t fair, and I’m so sorry,” Liam’s voice cracked, and I lost the battle against my oncoming sob.

“Liam…” I shook my head adamantly, “I wanted to do all of those things. I want to unify Cordonia. I want to protect my friends. I want to solve this plot so that you can be the King I know you can be. I want to help my new home.”

“But by asking you to do these things, am I no better than my father? Putting the crown above you?”

“That is not true. You are so much more than him,” I held onto the lapels of his jacket, urging him to believe me, “We’re in this together, Liam, and you’ve always been there for me.”

Liam disagreed, “Not enough… Tonight, I almost didn’t make it to you.”

“But you did, and you always do,” I whispered, pressing my forehead against his, “I know you’re always there to catch me. You were there for me during the attack, and you’re here for me now. I’ve doubted it, and I don’t want you to either.”

“If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have to always look over your shoulder,” Liam swallowed.

“Hey…” I placed a hand on his jaw, making him look at me, “I’d do it all again. Meeting you in that bar, coming here, falling in love… I’d even repeat the messy bits.”

Liam’s lips pressed against my forehead, and he wiped away his tears as he pulled away.

As Liam ran the bath, I watched the water cascade and allowed the gentle sound to lull me into relaxation. Holding out his hand for me, Liam helped me off the counter and squeezed my hand as I lowered myself into the steaming water. I let out a deep sigh as the water coated my skin and relaxed my tense muscles. Liam undressed and joined me in the water, his arms wrapping around me. He washed each and every scratch, appreciating the bruises I’d gained in the vault. He took special care with the irritation on my arms, and I sank deeper into him.

When we stepped out of the tub, our world was still upside down. We’d still been betrayed, and we couldn’t change the past. But the world seemed a little bit brighter together. I didn’t know what would come next, but I knew Liam would be there beside me and I beside him.

I would brush the dust off him, and he would brush the dust off me.

And it was enough…


End file.
